Reflection

I've spent the last few days talking w/a decent amount of people...some are more just that they want to know what's going on, but a select few are really concerned and are giving insight, great insight. Things are very uncertain right now...I'd have to say that the only things I'm certain of are that I love him with all of my heart, and that I'm not letting us go down without a fight.
I am starting to see more clearly what I was doing wrong...and what I need to do to work on me to fix this on my end. I know that I was pushing an agenda that I may not have necessarily been ready for either. But b/c of my own issues, I was pushing it even if I didn't realize it. And that was wrong of me. And to make matters worse, I was being selfish and pig headed and causing issues b/c I wasn't getting my way. I can't say I'm surprised I did that, since I'm an only child and need to work on being selfish...but I'm not happy I did it to one of those people who doesn't deserve it. And so by admitting it, I take the first step toward overcoming it. I know now that it's not just about what I want...there are others to take into account as well, the most important one being him.
Another thing I was doing wrong was putting others before him and us. While this is necessary sometimes, I know I did it far more than I should have. And I'm truly sorry for that. It is definetly something I'm working on. And something I know now I wasn't happy doing it at the time, I just hid it from myself.
I know too that I need to make sure the other person knows I truly do need them. I have lived most of my life as Ms. Independent, and while that can be appealing to an extent, people ultimetly need to feel needed, too.
There are a lot of things I'm going over in my head, and am resolving to work on. I know that neither of us were acting as great as we both could have been. But that doesn't mean we're not capable of it...and it doesn't mean that we won't work. I'm going to fight for what I want, until I find no reason to fight anymore. I waited 5 years for this chance...it's definetly worth waiting a little while longer for and even more worth fighting for!
I'm sorry for all I did wrong and I am growing from this...