So in the past couple of years I reconnected w/a few friends from my high school/Coachella Valley days. One of them, when asked by her husband why we had stopped talking, told him that she couldn't remember why. Well, I know exactly why...
There were a series of events that in their onset, had absolutely nothing to do with her...just mutual friends. Some how, along the way of these events unfolding, she decided to take sides. It would have been easy to remain neutral, but instead she took whatever they were telling her as the only scenario, and confronted me about something I wasn't even doing. So it's not really like we just drifted apart, she got up in my face, I stood my ground, and the friendship ended when we were seperated and she walked away. There was no love lost when a few years later I was out at a mall in the Valley with some friends, and we crossed paths and she didn't even smile or look at any of us.
But a few years ago she found me on myspace, and wanted to rekindle the friendship. I figured that what was behind us was behind us and it was high school bull. We talked every now and then, I went out to visit her once, but mostly we texted or talked via myspace. Looking back now I realize that what she did in high school would again come back up....in two seperate ways.
First, what started the friendship being on the rocks before the big blow up was her and 2 of our very close mutual friends forgetting my b-day, but planning a party for hers which was 6 days later. It wasn't until well into the school day, once other people had wished me happy b-day and i'd received a few gifts, did any of them say anything to me (we'd seen each other several times that day, too). I was upset and hurt, more so though, by the other two b/c they were planning a suprise party, than by her.
However, in the course of rekindled friendship I have gone to her baby shower, both her daughter's b-day parties, her husband's most recent b-day, and come out and stayed there for a few other things...she came to my house warming party, and that's been it. She didn't make it to my wedding b/c she was "sick", and perpetually lost the supposed gift. Then, she dropped off the face of the planet for nearly 2 months b/c she was prego sick...but didn't want to bother me b/c I had my own stress. She calls me her best friend, but isn't treating me like it. And then here we are...birthday season. That ill fated time that doomed us in the past. I have yet to hear from her since about two weeks before my birthday. I even texted her and commented on her myspace for her b-day, and haven't gotten a response. Now I'm supposed to be planning her baby shower in march w/a mutual friend, and I just can't help wondering WHY?!?! What will be the reward for this. Not to say I do things so that others will do something for me...but why am I going to put forth money, time and effort for someone who hasn't put forth really even one of those three on me?!
Second, this is where the title comes in to play...she and a few other mutual friends are fighting w/another friend from high school. I honestly have yet to find out what the real reason behind it is. It seems (from what I've heard) that my friend is taking the word of one of the involved parties as the only scenario again. She's defending her, got involved in the arguement, and is now at odds with the other person. Because of this, another friend got caught in the middle. B/c she associates w/these two girls, the other one assumed she was on their side (I suspect she would have been if asked to pick though). Some of the things I've heard coming from both sides of this is just so typical of high school drama. However, these girls are all older than I am. Three of the four of them have families and jobs, and more important things to deal with...however, they haven't grown up all the way. It's funny to sit back and watch this all unfold...watch them act like children. I get that we all want to have friends in our lives, but that doesn't mean that they are able to do everything for us and be there all the time like they were in high school. Just something we have to deal with.
Sigh...I guess my quest to find true friends will remain ongoing.
Wish me luck!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Getting Some Stuff Off My Chest
So recently it was someone's birthday. Our relationship has slowly been falterting over the last few months. But I went out anyway, expecting to make the best of the night. Things started off not too bad. However, when part way into the night this person's new friend claimed themselves to be the b-day girl's new best friend...I was done. I started hanging out w/other people I knew at our locale and I will admit, that I became somewhat of a bitch. I was done, I was drunk and I was done pussy-footing around issues and not being honest and open. I started calling her out on shit about how she was letting a "roommate" treat her. And I found out some things about how she'd let this person treat her through out the years they'd known each other. I called her out on how I took care of something for her and she didn't give me credit for it. Not that she had to, but to make it seem like she did something to take care of it to a close mutual friend was bullshit. You had no shame asking for the help, you should have no shame telling people when it was given.
Anyway, I don't like how I acted, nor do I like the fact that it took my getting drunk to say anything. And of course by now it's pent up and was alcohol fueled, so it didn't come out exactly the way I would have liked it. So here's my medium for that:
Back when we had our first falling out a lot of things happened that were messed up. On both sides. First I was DEEPLY hurt by the fact that it took you over a year to call me your best friend and this new person got that title after only 3 months. Also, when you heard I had been talking shit it was from a second party source...and you STILL didn't even confront me on it. You assumed (incorrectly) that I had just done it. I wasn't talking shit, I was venting frustration about a specific event. You could have asked me, or the 3 other people who were right there in front of me what had happened. Instead you went with what someone who was down the hall, (hiding) behind a closed door, listening to the TV heard...and then told someone else who told you. Some best friend you were to me.
And then I come to find out that you screwed around with my ex. Yeah, I'm not with him now. But the fact that when I had my issues with him you scolded me for it and said he was a great guy when you knew FULL well he wasn't, is insane of you to have done...and insane for me to forgive. Some best friend you were to me.
And then when I left my ex you couldn't pick sides. You were his friend still, and wished to remain neutral. At the time I understood b/c it was such a HUGE thing to deal with in leaving him that I didn't just have time to face the reality of what you were saying. Plus you were being a good friend and letting me stay with you. But what you were saying is that you can't put a great friend over a mediocre piece of booty. Some best friend you were to me.
Through out the years we've known each other, I have always tried to be there for you, my family has been there for you, and I've tried to help you with other things as well. Your bestie has been a shitty friend, and you've admitted it...yet, you still keep pursuing her and keep taking the shit she deals to you. And then the amazing "roommate" you have mouching off of you has given you even MORE shit through the years...and you still can't push him out of your life. You can't tell him no, you can't stop giving to him. And then there's me...who did something as simple as supposedly talk shit and I got booted the hell out. I needed you to be there for me when I was making some enormous life changes...but you couldn't do that for me b/c you had to be neutral. I have given so much, and while I do appreciate the little that you have done for me, it does not even come close to equaling what I have done for you.
Let me just throw in there how months before I was getting married, when money was tight, I loaned you money with the promise that you would pay me back. Now, more than a year later, I have yet to see that money. You couldn't man up and tell your mom how you borrowed from me through out the summer, in order for her to give you some out of your financial aid. Just because I have a great job doesn't mean that I have tons of money floating around. When you want to go out and I can't...that should be a sign that maybe I actually am more broke than you. And mine isn't b/c I had fun, now can't pay bills, and won't ask the people I live with for money.
You're great at helping w/our new business. Aside from that I've just come to realize that we have grown to be completely different people whose relationship has to change. It can no longer be whatever it was before. I'm done not being treated somewhat equal to how I treat others. I will no longer be walked on and taken advantage of.
Things and people change and grow...I guess that is what life has done to us. Don't tell me you miss me, because if you truly did you'd show it more. And don't hassle me for not contacting you...what reason have you given me to want to? Remember when I tried to ask you about stuff before? You said you didn't want to talk about it...that's fine, we don't have to. I just did.
Anyway, I don't like how I acted, nor do I like the fact that it took my getting drunk to say anything. And of course by now it's pent up and was alcohol fueled, so it didn't come out exactly the way I would have liked it. So here's my medium for that:
Back when we had our first falling out a lot of things happened that were messed up. On both sides. First I was DEEPLY hurt by the fact that it took you over a year to call me your best friend and this new person got that title after only 3 months. Also, when you heard I had been talking shit it was from a second party source...and you STILL didn't even confront me on it. You assumed (incorrectly) that I had just done it. I wasn't talking shit, I was venting frustration about a specific event. You could have asked me, or the 3 other people who were right there in front of me what had happened. Instead you went with what someone who was down the hall, (hiding) behind a closed door, listening to the TV heard...and then told someone else who told you. Some best friend you were to me.
And then I come to find out that you screwed around with my ex. Yeah, I'm not with him now. But the fact that when I had my issues with him you scolded me for it and said he was a great guy when you knew FULL well he wasn't, is insane of you to have done...and insane for me to forgive. Some best friend you were to me.
And then when I left my ex you couldn't pick sides. You were his friend still, and wished to remain neutral. At the time I understood b/c it was such a HUGE thing to deal with in leaving him that I didn't just have time to face the reality of what you were saying. Plus you were being a good friend and letting me stay with you. But what you were saying is that you can't put a great friend over a mediocre piece of booty. Some best friend you were to me.
Through out the years we've known each other, I have always tried to be there for you, my family has been there for you, and I've tried to help you with other things as well. Your bestie has been a shitty friend, and you've admitted it...yet, you still keep pursuing her and keep taking the shit she deals to you. And then the amazing "roommate" you have mouching off of you has given you even MORE shit through the years...and you still can't push him out of your life. You can't tell him no, you can't stop giving to him. And then there's me...who did something as simple as supposedly talk shit and I got booted the hell out. I needed you to be there for me when I was making some enormous life changes...but you couldn't do that for me b/c you had to be neutral. I have given so much, and while I do appreciate the little that you have done for me, it does not even come close to equaling what I have done for you.
Let me just throw in there how months before I was getting married, when money was tight, I loaned you money with the promise that you would pay me back. Now, more than a year later, I have yet to see that money. You couldn't man up and tell your mom how you borrowed from me through out the summer, in order for her to give you some out of your financial aid. Just because I have a great job doesn't mean that I have tons of money floating around. When you want to go out and I can't...that should be a sign that maybe I actually am more broke than you. And mine isn't b/c I had fun, now can't pay bills, and won't ask the people I live with for money.
You're great at helping w/our new business. Aside from that I've just come to realize that we have grown to be completely different people whose relationship has to change. It can no longer be whatever it was before. I'm done not being treated somewhat equal to how I treat others. I will no longer be walked on and taken advantage of.
Things and people change and grow...I guess that is what life has done to us. Don't tell me you miss me, because if you truly did you'd show it more. And don't hassle me for not contacting you...what reason have you given me to want to? Remember when I tried to ask you about stuff before? You said you didn't want to talk about it...that's fine, we don't have to. I just did.
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